Revelations
by PrinRue
Summary: "Valka's chest hurt, as the insurmountable weight of guilt fell heavy on her. Hiccup may be happy now, but there was nothing that could ever fix what he went through without her." Hiccup/Valka bonding


**Holy crapoli, this oneshot was a pain. It's by far the longest one I've ever written, and took several days to finish. There's just so much I wanted to say on this subject, and the words would ****_not stop. _****My original concept for this fic jumped off a cliff and flew away, it's so different... this turned out about 2k words longer than I was thinking. **

**I've really been wanting to write a scene where Valka learns of how Hiccup grew up, and feels guilty for not being there. But as I was thinking on that, it just exploded into... well, THIS monstrosity of reflection and angst. **

**I hope you'll all enjoy! (And that all that effort was worth it lol)**

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Humans are complicated.

Toothless had learned that very quickly, when he was first getting to know Hiccup. He used to think they were just mindless killers, without feeling or thought. But in truth, they were just as complex, if not even more so than dragons. And just like dragons, they grieved in their own ways.

When an Alpha dragon dies, it's usually at the claws of another, and that other dragon is then regaled as the new leader. There's no time to mourn, because it's the deceased's own fault for being too weak to stand up to its challenger.

Toothless was unsure how he felt about this now, being around humans for so long and seeing how they react when one of their own dies. And he was especially unsure since he himself was now the Alpha of the dragons. Sure, he hadn't killed his challenger; he never smelled death on it when it retreated back into the ocean. But he had still killed a leader. Just not of his own species.

And now, here he was, watching how the humans were handling it.

The two humans who most concerned him were, of course, his human and his mother. He knew his human forgave him, for he had not been in his mind at the time of the blast, but he also knew he was still deeply hurt by it all. And the other human, who he'd only known a week, but had clearly known the deceased for much longer than even Hiccup had, was just as devastated.

Of course, Hiccup was grateful to have his mother, since he no longer had his father. He would need the support now that he was the chief of the tribe. But unlike his father, he barely knew this woman. She was the one who had given life to him, yet she was nearly a complete stranger. She didn't know anything he had gone through in the last twenty years… but the more he thought about it, neither did his father. Stoick wasn't exactly present throughout Hiccup's childhood, and in the later years up to their reconciliation, the late chief hadn't seemed to even _want _anything to do with him.

There were scattered memories here and there, like a story about a mythical dragon land Hiccup had once been told about, or that time they went fishing and Hiccup had seen a troll, or when they used to play Maces and Talons together to work out battle strategies. But honestly, up until five years ago, Hiccup couldn't really remember many good times he had with his dad.

And that really upset him.

The fight was over; evil had been defeated, and good had triumphed. Sure, the town was a bit in ruin, but houses could be rebuilt. They'd been rebuilt before, many times. People, though, aren't so easy to fix; they can only be broken so much before they're irreparable. Hiccup had been broken many times before, by many different people and even by himself, but he always had the strength, and in recent years, the _support_ to overcome it. But of course, it wasn't always that way.

Valka had been broken, too, many times, but in different ways than her son. But this, this was unlike any hurt she'd ever felt before. When she was with the dragons, she at least had always believed that her self imposed exile was keeping her family safe. But now, she understood how wrong that was. And standing here, observing the pained expression on her son's face as he watched the island's best masons carve a memorial statue of the fallen chief, she'd never felt more guilty. It was clear to her that the two of them had something special, and was it really a surprise? She wasn't there for them; of course they'd have to form a bond to fill in her absence. It only made sense.

Blinking back the burning of tears in her eyes, Valka stepped forward, placing a hand on her son's shoulder. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Hiccup. It's clear to me now just how… how close you and Stoick were. And I'm so sorry about what happened. If I could go back and change things, I would. So the two of you didn't have to say goodbye so soon…"

Softly, Hiccup let out an emotionless laugh. That certainly wasn't what Valka had expected. "Yeah, me too. I feel like I was finally just getting to know him." And before the mother could respond, Hiccup was already walking the other way, toward the forest.

What did he mean, "just getting to know him"? If Hiccup's speech at the funeral pyre had given her any indication, he knew his father very well. So how could he feel like they were only now becoming close? After a minute of being in a near trance, Valka started off in the direction her son had gone.

Luckily, twenty years on her own had made Valka an excellent tracker, and it also helped that the person she was looking for left some very unique footprints. She wove her way through the trees, making sure to stay light on her toes and not rustle the brush too much. The last thing she wanted to do was scare him. Soon, she came to a rocky cliff edge, and the tracks stopped; he must have climbed down from here. Surely, he couldn't have been _that _far ahead of her. She was wondering just how much farther he had gone when the sound of a voice echoing from below halted every thought.

"Thanks for coming, Bud… I wasn't sure you'd hear my call." It was Hiccup's voice, followed by the unmistakable warbling of a Night Fury; Toothless was there too. "I know you're busy, with all your new duties as Alpha. I am too. But… I- I just needed a moment alone, with you."

Valka pulled back. She shouldn't be here; clearly, this was a moment meant for Hiccup and Toothless, and Hiccup and Toothless alone.

"It's just… there was something my… mom said." The woman stopped, gently setting down on all fours. She really should go… but if she'd said something to hurt her son, she had to know what it was. Slowly, Valka peered over the edge of the cliff.

The drop led into a large rocky basin, with a freshwater lake at the center and various trees littering the rocky walls. And there, sitting by the water, were Hiccup and his dragon.

"I was watching the builders working on… on Dad's memorial," Hiccup continued. "And then my mother came up to me and apologized. I'm grateful, really, but she… she made it clear that she thinks Dad and I had some kind of great relationship or something. Which, I mean, we did, after… everything. But it just hit me, Toothless. I've really only known my dad for five years. Out of the twenty I've been alive. I… I've known _you _better and for longer than I've known my own father. And now, I'm supposed to _be _him." He turned to look at the dragon. "How am I supposed to deal with that?"

Valka crawled back, her heart aching in her chest. Was that really true? Had Hiccup really spent most of his life… alone? The woman made an attempt to stand, but in her overwhelmed state, she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings like usual. A loud _snap _rang through the quiet forest, and Valka froze. She heard shuffling from below in the cove-like area, and Hiccup's voice sounded again.

"Hello? Is someone out there?" He called, followed by the sound of both boy and dragon moving around. "Go find 'em, Toothless," She heard him whisper, and knew it was pointless to try and hide; she might as well just face the dragon with dignity. She heard the sound of claws scraping at the rock, as the Night Fury leapt from ledge to ledge, sniffing for any scent of intruders. When the sound made its way to her side of the clifftop, the dragon roared, alerting his rider he'd found something.

Had this been any other time, Valka would have been impressed by the teamwork of dragon and rider, but this was no time for those thoughts. A second later, the black dragon burst out of the cove, plasma fire charged and rider at the ready.

"Wait, Hiccup!" Valka said, holding up a hand. Upon recognizing the intruder, Toothless immediately swallowed his fire, and Hiccup extinguished his sword.

"Mom?" He half asked, half yelled, before patting Toothless and landing on the dirt with a thud. "Uh, what're you doing here?"

"I, well…" Valka thought for a moment, but decided it was best just to tell the truth. "I was worried Hiccup. You just kind of ran off when I talked to you, so I… I followed you here. I'm sorry, I really shouldn't have intruded. You're a grown man, after all, and it's really not my place. I just was afraid I'd hurt you, so-"

"It's okay, mom. I… I understand. Astrid would've done the same thing," he said, giving her a slight smile in hopes the joke would help.

"But it's not okay. Hiccup… is all that stuff you said actually true?"

The young chief's face darkened and he looked down at Toothless' saddle, which was more answer than a yes or no could ever give. The dragon rumbled up softly at him, and he sighed, before motioning for her to join him.

Valka tentatively slid onto the saddle behind her son, watching with wonder at how he adjusted Toothless' prosthetic without even thinking. After a moment, the three of them had swiftly landed back in the serene basin. She slipped off the Night Fury's back, waiting for Hiccup to join her, but he didn't move. He was just staring at his hands, seemingly trying to figure out what to say. Finally, he looked up, eyes scanning over the scenery, before quickly switching his foot and joining Valka on the ground.

"You've never seen this place before, have you?" He asked, only looking at her long enough to see her shake her head. "Toothless and I named it the Cove. It's… well it's where we first got to know each other. The first time we met was in the woods not too far from here, when I, um, shot him down. After I freed him, he tried flying away, but ended up crashing here. The walls are too high for him to get past on his own, well, unless he's blinded by determination, that is." Hiccup smiled briefly at the memory of when Toothless came to save him from the Kill Ring. "I went back to look for him the next day, and tracked him here. And that's when I saw the extent of what I had done, and when I decided I had to do something to help." Hiccup set a hand on his dragon's head, meeting his eyes and getting a small lick to the nose. "This is where I met my first and closest friend."

Valka was amazed by the story, she truly was, but the way he'd worded that last bit concerned her. "Surely Toothless wasn't your… first friend, right?"

Hiccup looked down again, his hand still on the dragon's head. "Why don't we… have a seat," he said simply, before walking over to the shore of the lake and settling down, his Night Fury at his side. After a moment, Valka joined him, looking out at the golden sunset-lit ripples on the water, to avoid having to look at Hiccup's face.

"I don't know how much you, well, thought about Dad and me when you were gone, but I imagine you had an idea of what things must've been like, right?"

"Of course. Your father did everything to protect you when you were born, so I knew he always would. I knew you had someone to support and keep you happy as you grew up." The woman finally gave a glance to her son. His expression was solemn, but gave no real indication of how he was feeling. "That… that is how it was, wasn't it?"

Hiccup thought carefully on how to answer. "At first, yeah… I remember spending time with him when I was really young. But as I was growing up… things started to change. The village started to change. I've always been… weak. But I think that Dad thought I'd grow out of it, become the model Viking son he wanted, like every other heir to the chiefdom. Like himself." Hiccup continued his absent minded petting of Toothless, something Valka picked up to be a calming action. "But I didn't. If anything, I got worse. The village began talking, comments here and there on how a hiccup like me would never be able to lead, and I think that's what finally broke him. I suppose it didn't help that as he grew more distant, I let my cynical look on life take over… but it wasn't easy. It was almost like they thought I couldn't hear them, hear the things they were saying. By the time I was eleven, no one wanted anything to do with me. Even Gobber, who dad had sent me to work with when I was six in hopes of making me stronger, was acting like I was just a liability. That's when I started trying to prove myself, and when I became obsessed with killing a dragon. I thought that was the only way I could be like them. The only way they could accept me. Of course, all my attempts to create dragon-killing machines only ended in disaster, and only served to further my useless image to the village. Dad became more than just distant; he became… angry. Because it was clear that I would never become more than, well, _me." _Hiccup paused, collecting his thoughts. "It took years, but finally, when I was fourteen, I was successful in shooting down a dragon. Of course, no one believed me, and it didn't help that Dad had to save me from a Nightmare during that raid, which ended in half the village being destroyed. But I did meet Toothless."

"And once your father met Toothless, he changed?" Valka asked, her voice more erring on the side of hope.

"Not exactly… when Toothless came to save me from the Kill Ring, Dad captured him. And then…" Hiccup stopped, unsure if he should tell his mother what Stoick had said. "I- I don't know if you want to hear all this… It's… pretty serious."

"I'm listening, Hiccup. It's alright."

"I… I was Outcast." He heard Valka draw in a sharp breath as the implications of his words hit her. "Dad… disowned me, because I'd chosen a dragon over my own people. That I wasn't a Viking… or his son."

Valka looked down. She knew that Stoick was a rigid man, stern in his ways. After she herself had made her opinion of peace known, he stopped letting her outside during the raids. But never, _never _would she have imagined he'd let his hatred reach his son. And most certainly not to the extent where their relationship was so broken that Hiccup had been cast out of the tribe. Valka's chest felt like tendrils of ice had wrapped around her heart. She loved Stoick with all her being; he was the only man she could ever want. But hearing about how he (and the whole village) had treated her son, her Hiccup, because he wasn't big and tough like them… it broke her heart.

And then it hit her.

All Stoick's hatred, all his sorrow… it was because of her. Sure, when she had been taken, there was nothing she could've done. But she most certainly could have returned once Cloudjumper made himself known to be no enemy. For twenty years, she had the opportunity to go back to Berk, but she chose not to. Her logic of believing everyone was safer without her, while originally a noble idea, just became an excuse to stay. She _loved _living at the Sanctuary. But while she was there, safe and hidden and thriving, the two people she loved most had suffered. Stoick, left to raise their son on his own, without his beloved by his side, had let his grief turn into anger, anger that unfortunately took itself out on Hiccup.

She couldn't imagine how hard that must have been, to grow up among people who thought nothing of him, who actively bullied and made him feel worthless. Valka's chest hurt, as the insurmountable weight of guilt fell heavy on her. Hiccup may be happy now, but there was nothing that could ever fix what he went through without her.

"Hiccup, I… there's no words I could say that can even come close to expressing how sorry I am. I was wrong, so incredibly wrong, to leave you and your father. I can't possibly imagine what you went through… I never thought my actions could have such a… a devastating impact on my family. So for all the pain you endured, please just know that I sincerely apologize…" Valka hesitantly reached out a hand, brushing his hair behind his ear. "Those people were so wrong about you. You're stronger than they could ever be. And I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother, and I love you; it's the absolute truth. To spend so much of your life being… ridiculed and looked down on by everyone, but to have the strength to keep going despite it all… you're tougher than any of them."

"I won't lie," Hiccup said. "There were times when I just wanted it to be over… but I knew that would only prove their point. And I didn't think that, even for all his disappointment in me, Dad would be able to handle losing the last bit of his family."

"You were right. I'm… so sorry for how Stoick treated you. All these years, I believed you two had stayed as close as when I left, but… clearly my departure had more of an impact than I thought. I'm sorry, Hiccup… for- for everything."

"Well… I'm not."

Valka looked up, expecting to see a sly smile, but Hiccup's face was as serious as could be. "What do you mean?"

"Everything that happened, as- as _terrible _as it was… it was what led me to becoming who I am today. If I grew up believing I was more than, well, _me, _I might not have been so determined. And I might not have ever met my best friend." Toothless rumbled softly at his human in agreement, which prompted the young man to wrap his arms around the dragon's neck. "I… I do really wish I knew my father more. That's something that he told me he regretted countless times these last five years. And… I do wish he was here, to- to teach me how to be a leader. I miss him; there's no denying that. But I also can't help but feel like… it was all meant to be. If he hadn't gone how he did… I don't know if I ever would have accepted my role as chief. And if he hadn't… disowned me all those years ago… I don't know if I would have had the determination to prove him wrong."

"You never did tell me… how _did_ you finally change his mind?"

"Well… as I said earlier, Dad had captured Toothless. He used him to navigate to the dragon's nest, so they could get rid of all the raiders. But the queen of that nest, it turned out, was a very mean, very angry titan wing Red Death… After I brought the other teens to my side, with Astrid's support, we flew into battle. I was trying to free Toothless, but before I could, the Red Death sunk the ship we were on. We both would have died, but… Dad saved us. Even after everything that had happened, after casting me out of the tribe… he saved me, and dove back in for my dragon. That was the first time he apologized. But I don't think it was until after the battle that he… truly came to realize just how far Toothless would go to protect me."

"Was that… when you…" Valka trailed off, gesturing vaguely to the device that replaced Hiccup's lower left leg.

He followed her motions, then nodded. "We were flying to escape the explosion we set off in Her, but Toothless' tailfin had burned away and we lost control. I was knocked unconscious the moment we hit Her tail, but with Toothless' and the village's help, I've pieced together the rest. Dad said it looked like it took two tries for him to catch me, based on the… the tooth marks they found. The first time about halfway up the shin, and the second, successful time by the ankle."

Valka shuddered, imagining the scene. Of course, Toothless had no other way, and he was a hero for saving the life of the person who had rendered him flightless just months earlier. But she still found it hard to think about, especially since she felt she could have prevented it.

"But you know what?" Hiccup continued. "I think it's better this way. Because not only did it make me and Toothless closer than ever, but it also showed Dad that he would do anything for me. It was a wake up call, I think, for him. To come so close to losing me. And it was after that that he realized how wrong he'd been for the last fifteen years, and when he started to make things right between us." Hiccup scratched Toothless' ears, getting the Night Fury to purr happily in response.

Valka looked over the two of them. Everything her son had told her… it was a lot to take in. She didn't know if she could look at a past of shame and dissent with such a positive light, but somehow, Hiccup had used his pain as motivation to be better.

Hiccup's upbringing was certainly not the one she had hoped for him, and in the end, she felt she only had herself to blame. But Hiccup, and eventually Stoick, had worked past that to build the relationship they deserved, in the Berk that they deserved- even if it took some loss. And now, as she took in the man her son had grown up to be, the only thing she felt was _pride. _

Hiccup wasn't perfect, but no truly good person is. He had flaws, stubborn beliefs that could get the people he loved in danger. But he was about as strong and forgiving as they came, and Valka couldn't imagine anyone she'd rather him be. Hiccup and Toothless were a team, a matching set, and their bond was worth more to both of them than anything they lost in the process. And that was all the proof she needed to know that he truly was a better person than she could ever be.

But even with all her past mistakes, she would never run again. She would be there for her son, and for her tribe, through whatever the gods threw at them next.

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**And it's done. Almost 4k words of pure character reflection, angst, and comfort... WOO!**

**Also please tell me someone noticed how I used the "I'm sorry... for everything" line. It seemed only fitting that both parents (And eventually Hiccup himself) would say it ;)**

**And once again, I hope you all enjoyed! Till next story!**


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